Microwave Massacre
Director: Wayne Berwick
Cast: Jackie Vernon, Loren Schein, Al Troupe
Reviewed by Brian M. Sammons
Let’s get this out of the way right at the start: this is not a good movie. Come on, it’s called Microwave Massacre, did anyone ever, even for an instant, think that it would be good? I mean good for real and not just in the ironic hipster way PBR is considered “good”? That said, it is a very fun movie, and even, at times, funny. So if you don’t take your 80s horror too seriously, stick with me, grab a fork, and let’s tear into Microwave Massacre.
The movie starts with a close up of a pair of large breasts bopping down the street, letting you know right away what kind of movie you’re about to see. We then jump to professional standup comedian, Jackie Vernon, who plays a sad sack construction worker slowly starving thanks to his wife’s odd taste in cuisine. To further the wife to this end, she orders the titular microwave which turns out to be one of the biggest, bulkiest looking things you ever did see. Well one night he can’t take the funky food, or her constant harping, anymore. So he kills his wife, chops her up, and hides her body in the freezer. When he accidentally goes for a bite to eat late one night and ends up munching on her, he discovers he has a taste for human flesh. So begins his odyssey of picking up women, having sex with them (because cannibalism seems to have restored his sex drive), and then eating them.
And that’s about it for the story. Yeah I know, it’s shocking, but something called Microwave Massacre isn’t too deep in the story department. What it does have is a good dollop of gratuitous nudity, some off-the-wall bits that are about 50/50 when it comes to producing laughs and groans, and some so-bad-they’re-awesome special effects. Special shout out must go to the severed head of our lead’s wife that must have been made out of papier-mâché. It’s really cute and reminds me of something I would have made as a kid. Oh this movie also has Jackie Vernon, who is also as miss as he is hit here, but he is also the voice of Frosty the Snowman from the iconic animated kids cartoon from 1969. So hearing Frosty kill, eat, and, most disturbingly, screw women in this flick is both hilarious and horrifying to someone that grew up watching that cartoon on TV at Christmas time.
On to the extras on this new two disc Blu-ray/DVD set from Arrow Video. First there is an audio commentary with the writer/producer Craig Muckler. There is a making-of featurette that includes interviews with Muckler, director Wayne Berwick, and actor Loren Schein that runs 21 minutes; an image gallery, and trailer. While not overstuffed with extras, it sure has more than you would expect for such a low budget, all but forgotten flick. So three cheers to Arrow Video for the effort on the extras for such a little movie. Hell, the last few Blu-rays I got from the big studios didn’t have this much love shown to them.
This Blu-ray release of Microwave Massacre looks far better in HD than it has any right to, and this release is far better than you would expect. This movie isn’t for everyone, but if you like goofy cannibal flicks that go more for laughs than scares, this one might be for you. Consider it recommended for the truly weird and the non-too-serious fans out there.
